If you’re downtown in just about any city you might see a few guys in cut off jorts standing around a shady tree with their BMX bikes and cell phones in hand and think “Geez, how can I get all these cool piles of garbage bags strapped together with a million bungee cords?!” Here are some of the tweaker accessories you can do ALL yourself for Summer 2019.
Custom Bike with Shit Attachment
Ever laid your eyes on one of these babies? No, you haven’t cause no two are alike. Each bike seems to rival the next on how much crap can be literally strapped on to a baby carrier. All you need to make your own is a stolen bike, a stolen baby carrier and a bunch of shit. It’s easy!
This look never seems to go out of style. First you’ll need a dumpy RV or a tent with a million tarps and bungee cords. Next you’ll need a fuckload of grocery carts or bikes. Place the grocery carts outside the tent or RV randomly as if they blew onto the scene in a jet pack.
This one is pretty straight forward. If your newly acquired trap house doesn’t have its own matching set of broken blinds what you’ll want to do is set some regular generic blinds up and every fifteen minutes pace over and erratically spread them apart looking for cops, the CIA, Russian spies, probation officers and nosy neighbors. Do this for about a month and the blinds will begin to set. Soon you’ll be able to go outside (but won’t) and see the difference.
You’d think with such attainable trends it would eliminate jealousy and competition among your peers, but beware there will always be a bitch out there cutting you down cause you and your tiny dog look more anorexic then her and your boyfriend is under-the-table mechanic that owns his own Aerostar van with five different color doors welded on. In the real world you’re a highly dysfunctional and unsanitary junkie that everyone wishes would get long term psychiatric help, but in the meth world every street side curb is a runway for you to flaunt your saggy skin like a bankrupt Paris Hilton…on meth.