Just cause you're homeless doesn't mean you have to look like a pioneer that walked onto the set of Mad Max. Yes, of course you might be on crack, herin or meth and your high is tainting your style choices. That is why I am writing this article. Ya'll look cray.
Here's some simple ways to hustle a look so ya'll just feel cray...you don't look it. Believe it or not you'll make A LOT more panhandling if you don't look scarier than that little rat dog you have tied to a nearby post.
1: 2 Good pairs of jeans, an expensive hoodie, nice pair of shoes: Steal, beg or borrow. Salvation army and Goodwill have clothing vouchers. 211 has leads on stuff like that too. Even the richest of people have these staples, but in your life you can pass for having money and being "normal" while you are also maintaining utility. Being homeless gets cold!
2: Do your laundry and shower: Truck stops have showers you can use for free if you hit up the drivers for their vouchers. Laundry is $4 a week that you can easily score at the laundry mat. See if there is a plasma center nearby and you can recoup this money and do something productive while your clothes are goin'. Hygene is a must for being glamsient.
3: Free coffee: There are ways to get high tech Starbucks espresso's and a cup of coffee for signing up for things online (Starbucks does a birthday deal) or downloading the app for that particular coffee shop. If you're really scandalous you can duplicate the stamps the company does or complain about your last sucky coffee...whatever you have to do. Can't call yourself a glamsient if you don't have a designer coffee!
4: Hair: At least in my city of Portland there are lots of places that do free haircuts for the homeless. 211 is a good source for this kind of stuff. A pair of clippers with scissors is 10$ and guaranteed you can find someone within a half mile that "claims" they know how to cut hair and wants to prove it. You can always trial and "hair-or" try and do it yourself. Youtube has plenty of tutorials which I've put to good use. As far as color, discount markets where stuff has gone to close out prices can be amazing!
5: Makeup and Nails: Now we are moving past the basics into the luxuries. Now that you look aight, it's possible to walk into a department store, get a little squirt of perfume, ask for some skincare samples and set a time for a make over. You can skip around town as many department stores do these including Sephora and Ulta. All these shops have sections where you can do it yourself as well...as long as you look kinda "normal". Investing in a gel nail lamp is the best money I've ever spent. For $40 on Amazon you can get a whole kit that last months, plus the next time you need product you have the lamp and it's about $10. $10 to have beautiful gel nails for months is like buying a kid in Africa 20 cups of coffee.
Now you look and smell great. You look normal enough to get a job, but pleased enough with your hustle that you never will!
Speaking of soft cells, sometimes I feel I've got to run away from the compounding cellulite I experience on my arms, thighs and butt. Gross. And also, there will prob be no running...that's most likely what caused the issue in the first place. There is research out there supporting the claim that massage can help reduce cellulite by improving lymphatic drainage. It's not always comfortable massaging ourselves in public (there are also certain charges that might apply to that and I ain't talkin' bout credit cards). Since the bath works as far as totally appropriately places to massage yourself naked you may as well grab a bar of soap to apply the kind of pressure you'll need to rub those suckers and get clean in the meantime. Kill two birds with one soap. Don't throw your soap at birds though.
The beauty industry DOES NOT want you to know about this secret!!!
For years men and women alike have been struggling with under eye bags. Solana Beach actually outlawed actual plastic bags so now all the tan women walk around with brown bags...under their eyes! Now these women feel like they need to go under the knife and make plastic bags of their own with botox. Say notox to botox and get an actual brown bag! Those are still legal and they don't hold shit for groceries, but they'll get rid of those droopy pudding sacks you're eyes have been dragging around like unemployed Santa's.
Shhhhhhh....I'm NOT SUPPOSED TO BE TELLING YOU ABOUT THIS AMAZING BEAUTY SECRET THAT STARS HAVE KNOWN ABOUT FOR YEARS! It's simple. You take a brown bag and stick it right the fuck on your head. Yup, right the fuck on there. It's that easy! Poke a couple holes in the front and viola! No bad sacks, only eye holes and beauty hacks. Marshmellow, the famous world renowned DJ wanted a way that he could hide the bags that had developed from the intense strobe lights of the club so he developed a Marshmellow sack to cover his impurities and double as an interesting mask. Way to go Marshmellow!
(Quoting a famous Dr. that was discovered by a rich black lady) "There's some actual truth to this!" (This quote was not intended for use in this article art. 1 Section 8 Clause 8)
Get creative! Once you've tried out your sack, feel free to grab someone else's sack and give it some serious head. Put that sack right over your face and see just see how fast no one makes a comment about how "tired you look" or how "mangy those rain gutters are" and starts to ask some serious questions like "can I throw my used tampons into your new fashion trend?"
THERE'S NOT MANY OF THESE LEFT!! That's an important comment to make in ANY ARTICLE ABOUT UP and COMING beauty products!!!!!!!! Click on the link here to BUY your new bag for YOUR old BaGs.....#thirstyANDhungry