Speaking of soft cells, sometimes I feel I've got to run away from the compounding cellulite I experience on my arms, thighs and butt. Gross. And also, there will prob be no running...that's most likely what caused the issue in the first place. There is research out there supporting the claim that massage can help reduce cellulite by improving lymphatic drainage. It's not always comfortable massaging ourselves in public (there are also certain charges that might apply to that and I ain't talkin' bout credit cards). Since the bath works as far as totally appropriately places to massage yourself naked you may as well grab a bar of soap to apply the kind of pressure you'll need to rub those suckers and get clean in the meantime. Kill two birds with one soap. Don't throw your soap at birds though.
The beauty industry DOES NOT want you to know about this secret!!!
For years men and women alike have been struggling with under eye bags. Solana Beach actually outlawed actual plastic bags so now all the tan women walk around with brown bags...under their eyes! Now these women feel like they need to go under the knife and make plastic bags of their own with botox. Say notox to botox and get an actual brown bag! Those are still legal and they don't hold shit for groceries, but they'll get rid of those droopy pudding sacks you're eyes have been dragging around like unemployed Santa's.
Shhhhhhh....I'm NOT SUPPOSED TO BE TELLING YOU ABOUT THIS AMAZING BEAUTY SECRET THAT STARS HAVE KNOWN ABOUT FOR YEARS! It's simple. You take a brown bag and stick it right the fuck on your head. Yup, right the fuck on there. It's that easy! Poke a couple holes in the front and viola! No bad sacks, only eye holes and beauty hacks. Marshmellow, the famous world renowned DJ wanted a way that he could hide the bags that had developed from the intense strobe lights of the club so he developed a Marshmellow sack to cover his impurities and double as an interesting mask. Way to go Marshmellow!
(Quoting a famous Dr. that was discovered by a rich black lady) "There's some actual truth to this!" (This quote was not intended for use in this article art. 1 Section 8 Clause 8)
Get creative! Once you've tried out your sack, feel free to grab someone else's sack and give it some serious head. Put that sack right over your face and see just see how fast no one makes a comment about how "tired you look" or how "mangy those rain gutters are" and starts to ask some serious questions like "can I throw my used tampons into your new fashion trend?"
THERE'S NOT MANY OF THESE LEFT!! That's an important comment to make in ANY ARTICLE ABOUT UP and COMING beauty products!!!!!!!! Click on the link here to BUY your new bag for YOUR old BaGs.....#thirstyANDhungry
As we all know eating food can actually add to undesirable results like being an average weight for your height. However, food can also be very useful like in the following masks I've included below. Masks are great for conditioning or tightening skin, also for hiding your true feelings from escaping out your face.
Any combination of these ingredients can be placed on your mask before you put it on your face. For the yogurt you can actually heat the yogurt mixture, soften the rice paper IN IT and then apply it to your skin.
There are several key things about contouring that can turn a tutorial look into a tutol disaster look. In this article we are going to cover those points so that when you drop your new look, the producer of the Lion King Musical might just pick you up…even if it’s just playing an extra!
First, you’ll want to make sure to use a foundation two shades darker than your own skin.
It actually helps if you can convince yourself that everyone else just thinks you’re tan. You’ve fooled them all and the only one in on the secret is you. This will give you the confidence you need to parade around looking like you’re ready to slay life as well as Giraffes, Antelopes and Zebras.
Secondly, you’ll want to throw shade on the areas of your face you’d like redefined.
Grab a brown that is roughly two to ten shades darker than your skin (or just make up a number…get it? Make up!) and paint it on your cheek bones, under your chin and down the sides of your nose. You are now one step closer to one of those casting directors saying “Hey, what is the matter with your face?!”
Thirdly, you’ll want to highlight the areas you want to really stick out.
Grab a sponge and pretend you’re Picasso cause by the end of this you won’t know where your other eye is at. You’ll want to make sure to get the forehead, cheekbones and down the front of the nose. The nose is important because without it, you might look like you have a real person’s nose. You’ll want to get it as white as possible…feel free to use straight up zinc oxide so not only are you protecting your skin from breathing, but also from the harmful UV rays of the sun.
Lastly, don’t blend.
Now that you have your dramatic juxtaposition of light and dark, you have the perfect lion look. You were already afraid to apply this complex makeup, then you were afraid you’d applied to much and now you are afraid to blend and look like an out-of-work drag queen. With this article we’ve addressed those worries and made it so that you can say you did it all on purpose.
Now when you look in the mirror to sing “Can You Feel The Love Tonight?” you can truly answer "Not really."
If you’re downtown in just about any city you might see a few guys in cut off jorts standing around a shady tree with their BMX bikes and cell phones in hand and think “Geez, how can I get all these cool piles of garbage bags strapped together with a million bungee cords?!” Here are some of the tweaker accessories you can do ALL yourself for Summer 2019.
Custom Bike with Shit Attachment
Ever laid your eyes on one of these babies? No, you haven’t cause no two are alike. Each bike seems to rival the next on how much crap can be literally strapped on to a baby carrier. All you need to make your own is a stolen bike, a stolen baby carrier and a bunch of shit. It’s easy!
This look never seems to go out of style. First you’ll need a dumpy RV or a tent with a million tarps and bungee cords. Next you’ll need a fuckload of grocery carts or bikes. Place the grocery carts outside the tent or RV randomly as if they blew onto the scene in a jet pack.
This one is pretty straight forward. If your newly acquired trap house doesn’t have its own matching set of broken blinds what you’ll want to do is set some regular generic blinds up and every fifteen minutes pace over and erratically spread them apart looking for cops, the CIA, Russian spies, probation officers and nosy neighbors. Do this for about a month and the blinds will begin to set. Soon you’ll be able to go outside (but won’t) and see the difference.
You’d think with such attainable trends it would eliminate jealousy and competition among your peers, but beware there will always be a bitch out there cutting you down cause you and your tiny dog look more anorexic then her and your boyfriend is under-the-table mechanic that owns his own Aerostar van with five different color doors welded on. In the real world you’re a highly dysfunctional and unsanitary junkie that everyone wishes would get long term psychiatric help, but in the meth world every street side curb is a runway for you to flaunt your saggy skin like a bankrupt Paris Hilton…on meth.
When I was young, charcoal was for BBQ's. Who knew that under the grill those negative ion producers were absorbing the dripping grease of our burgers? If charcoal can do that to burger grease, just imagine what it can do for your dripping pores!
What exactly is it in charcoal that extracts all those greazy skin contaminants? Well, according to Keith at Home Depot, it's like this:
Negative Ion's grab onto the positively charged particles like allergens and pollutants and they drop em to the floor."
Thank Keith! Just imagine all the dead skin we're walking around on.
If you can make all of these cool things out of charcoal, wouldn't it be helpful if we knew how to make charcoal itself? Here's a brief overview of that super mundane process.
After that burns up, you'll have some nice briquettes in the inner drum for use. You can crush them up and use them to put all over your skin, up your nose, in your butt, down your throat and anywhere you can think of before someone else does.
STAY TUNED FOR DIY CHARCOAL RECIPES!!!