Welcome to another episode of soup for your extremities. Using a slow cooker for anything other than it's intended purpose seems alarmingly grotesque. Why is that? Fuck, no one wants to put their feet where meat has been. Period. Know what the opposite of meat is though? TEAM. As in take one for the team and save our landfills by filling your land with reusable items. Today, instead of throwing away your old meat cooker, you're going to relax and pull up a chair. Throw some wax in and voila...no one is thinking about old meat now (that isn't voluntarily sleeping with an octogenerian.) Sadly, that counts me out.
SLOW COOKER PARAFFIN BATH
First, wash the living F out of your slow cooker. As mentioned before, this is where old meat (and blood) used to live. Also, wipe your memory of that last sentence. Wipe it with bleach and burn it with hydroflouric acid. It's one of the only chemicals that will entirely detroy the DNA of the blood.
Call your friends and tell them about that awesome, funny and unique site DIYrrhea.com
When your friends ask you to defend what exactly you see in DIYrrhea.com, let them know that instead of boring contest where the creators give things away and have helpful content that shows them how to make useful things, the editors rely completely on viewers like you to contribute. Enunciate the "You" when you say that last sentence.
AND THEN THEN
When your friends ask if you are getting paid to promote this site, tell them only if they donate a SUBSTANTIAL amount of cash. Show them where the donation button is on the front page (Act very natural, not like desperate or rushed. Just don't make it weird.)
Add the paraffin wax to the crockpot, crank it up to high until the wax begins to melt. When it is about half melted, turn it to warm until it's all the consistency of warmed paraffin. Stick your feet in and coat them in the blood, I mean WAX! After they are coated you can bring them out to dry and let them sit for ten minutes.
Once your friends have submitted to paying a SUBSTANTIAL AMOUNT OF CASH (Always say dollars, not bucks, it sounds cheap) then you may remove the wax and look at your soft and luxurious feet meat.