Since when did crafty NOT mean coniving? Just because someone looks matrily DOES NOT mean they aren't a masochist. Normally, this is a how-to section, but I also write an occasional advice column and I've been thinking about a few things I'd like to share...so DIYers beware. Here are some Do-It-Yourself'ers that should be keeping it to themself-er's:
PEOPLE WHO MAKE BATH SALTS
Um, a salt bath has another word for it and that is "Brine". How do you know that these people aren't closet cannibals that are "flavoring" your dermis for later consumption? Don't you notice how pushy they are, trying to get you to try this body seasoning or that "herbal bath blend"? I hope that all this money I've spent taking your advice and brining my body for years and years in rosemary lavender taste good during armageddon, sicko!
If a handshake can spread illness and infect another person with a virus or a bacteria, you can only imagine what handing someone a well-infected goop could do. People who knowingly make and distribute slime might seem like innocent ten year olds to you, but in any other context we call these people "bioterrorist". My cousin Jamie makes slime in his basement, perhaps to go undetected. I'm onto you slime ball!
What do soap makers have in common with bomb makers? They are the same person! Just cause something doesn't have wires, doesn't mean it's not an explosive. With just a crockpot, some lye and a few other ingredients these fools have their hands on some powerful combustibles. Soap makers are great at gossip, but I'd be afraid of getting burned by them in a different way.
These are definitely the craftiest of individuals when it comes to destruction. Glue guns, exacto knives, cutting boards...is this the scene of Apocolypse Now or your mother-in-laws top drawer? Personally I would rather be shot with a real gun then to get a hot squirt to the eyeball rendering my lid attached forever. And with all of those creative skills, anything can double as a weapon of mass destruction.
PEOPLE WHO WRITE FOR DIYRRHEA
I mean seriously what kind of scumbags are making fun of people that have initiative, demonstrated creativity ability and follow through? Is this the epitome of a cynical limbo...uh, how low can you go? We might not be bioterrorist or cannibals, but we sure are killing it and not in a good way.
Do you potty? Cause I potty HARD.
When faced with the crockpot challenge, I invented something as useful as it is disgusting. Actually it might be just a teensy bit more on the disgusting side. What can I say...I have a dirty mind. This is an easy DIY compost bin example that almost anyone can do.
What you'll need:
3.5 qt crockpot
masonry drill bit
Sawdust, wood ash or leaves and peet
I drew a diagram to display my thoughts, there is even a slide so you can close it up.
First drill a hole in the bottom of the ceramic part of the crockpot that is reasonably where you are going to be shitting (NOT the outter heating unit-we are going to prop one on the other for added height and space. Next you'll want to measure the dimension of the ring of the base and cut three lids that exact size. These three lids wil eventually be stacked a glued, but the second layer will have the slide mechanism. The first ring and third ring you will want to cut a hole in the center just a bit bigger than the one in the ceramic. In the second ring you will cut a rectangle like the one pictured. Once you have all of the cutouts, you'll want to glue the rings together, make sure to leave the slide out a bit for an easy pull. Fill the bottom with sawdust or your choice of composting material and you are ready to potty!
This is only at the conceptual stage at this time. I feel like it could be a very useful protocol in DIY compost and also removing our crockpots from landfills to something useful!
First we had emoticons, than emoji's and now you can call cluster emoji's that make compound nouns...emoticoms! These emoji’s are simply representations to give you an idea of the compound nouns you can convey on your text messages. They are not exact replicas of the emoji’s programmed into your phone, but you should get the picture 🙂😙😞
🐴💩 — Horse Shit, very helpful in conveying that you feel questionable about whatever the hell it is you are talking about
🐮💩 — Bull shit. For when you want to call bullshit in the cutest way possible.
🐝➡️🔙 — Be right back. Much more meaningful than brb.
🔥⚡ — Hot flashes. Some of us could put this emoji to very good use.
🐤🧲 — Chick Magnet. (With use of actual magnet emoji)
🏁⛵ — Flagship. If you happen to be talking about a pioneer in the industry you can drop this compound emoji.
🌰💼 — Nut case. You might be talking about your boss, you might be talking about your mom. There is a lot of versatility in this combo.
👁️’m ⬇️ — One way to say you are game for whatever.
🍯🍔 — Honey Bun. Say ‘Hey baby’ in this unique way.
🐱🐟 — Catfish. Maybe you are being catfished, maybe you are doing the catfishing, either way this is a good way to break it to your perpetrator/victim.
🐌📨 — Snail mail. As long as things still aren’t 💯 digital, you can use these digital emoticons to communicate that.
⬆️🌃👱♀️ - Uptown Girl. Whoa oh oh oho oho oho ohoo ohoo oh.
I've always said rich is a feeling. You don't have to be a millionaire to feel rich, you don't even have to have a dollar. One time I drove along the San Diego coast in a Saturn listening to the Eagles with the windows rolled down and couldn't think of a thing I'd rather do in the moment if all the world's money was at my disposal. Likewise, I volunteered at a live music yoga studio in La Jolla and got free classes in exchange for mopping the redwood floor. While the two other women that usually attended were paying hundreds of dollars a month, I was doing frog pose on the poverty line.
Here are some creative ways to get a workout AND feel rich
VOLUNTEER AT A YOGA STUDIO: I happen to know that MOST yoga studio's offer some form of exchange if you can't pay. Yoga happens to be backed by an all-inclusive philosophy (not always) even though it comes across as quite elitist. Like I mentioned before I was doing yoga on the beach in one of the most expensive zip codes in America. For free. If you find a lavish studio-and/or some corporate chains (like Core Power yoga) give it a shot, it can't hurt.
GET FREE PASSES BACK-TO-BACK: Guest passes are offered everywhere from LA Fitness to 24 Hour. Even posh Barre and Pilates studio's often let you sit in for at least one class. LA Fitness will sometimes give a person 2 weeks to try their gym AND THEN go to one at another location. There really are enough gyms to keep most people busy for a year (considering most people workout 12 times a year).
GET AEROBICS EQUIPMENT ON CRAIGSLIST: There are two ways to do this typically. A) Look under the "For Sale" section under "Free". You can browse through the giveaways or enter "Elliptical" or "Treadmill" into the search bar. OR you can post yourself in the "Items Wanted" section and let them know you will pick it up. Some people are itching to get rid of equipment they used a whole 12 times last year.
WORKOUT ON A BEACH OR IN AN UPSCALE PARK: Let's just admit it, rich people go to the beach. Why do you think there are so many bums there? They migrated to a place they could be broke and feel rich. Sometimes yogi's will host donation classes at parks and beaches. These kinds of things can be found in community calendars and online at sites like Meetups.com. For parks you can also look up the Parks and Recreation site for your town.
Who said that only the rich can feel rich? I certainly did not and will smack someone with a white glove in the face if they ever claim I did. These are 100 percent tried and tested ways to get a quality workout without paying a dime. If you know of any other ways, pray do tell!
No lie, the first time I saw a doorbell rigged to a bedroom was when my genius older brother extended his electronics kit to make it so I had to push a button before talking to his brainiac self. Yes, at eleven years old he set up an old school doorbell and I just thought it was so lame at the time. Now facing the revolving door of students on my floor going in and out of my dorm, it makes a lot more sense. Even better, the new age doorbells have fancy camera's and it's easy to see who I need to pretend to be not-home for and who I can yell to enter.
Here are three types of doorbell's perfect for dorm rooms or just bedrooms in general.
Having one of these devices also has an added element of security to your space. If you have a camera or a doorbell that connects to your phone, you can easily check out who is roaming around while you are not there. Below you can find one-click purchase for any of the above listed items.
Your boyfriend is staring at his phone, who the hell could he be texting? He seems to be enjoying himself, THAT bitch! You never should have supported him getting a Galaxy five, all that T & A he’s potentially scrolling through has 1460 x 2540 resolution!
Girl, stop. See now one of your diamonds just dried to your nail piercing. Deeeeem. There are many how-to blogs showing you how to apply rinestone’s to your nails, but there’s only one…this one…that will help you stay calm while your bf simply does not care about your mosaic sparkling peacock Swarovski crystal creation, but instead has his head buried deep inside his GD Samsung Galaxy 5.
First, you’ll want to buff your nails.
Buffers were made entirely as decoys. You might want to chew gum as well so as to appear aloof, but at the same time scanning your bf’s facial muscles for abnormalities. Is he smiling in delight? Is he clenching his teeth and tense. Is he doing that stern face he does when talking to his boss? At this time you’ll want to chew your gum more fervently. As you remove the top of your nail with the emery board determine the relationship between him and the person on the other end. Male or Female? If you don’t know it is safe to assume that it is some cheating bitch.
Now it’s time to move on to the top coat base layer. Also, to unpeel the layers of answers to those passive probing questions you are slathering on.
“You look like you are really enjoying that conversation”, “Is something funny…I like funny stuff?” or “Whatcha doin’?”…these are all great extraction questions. Keep going on this line as you move onto the next line of products. It’s very important AT THIS TIME to find out if it is a new relationship or one that’s been ongoing. If he acts like it’s his best friend AJ and you are just being dramatic, it’s safe to assume it is some cheating bitch.
For the last and final layer you’ll want to strike on a clear coat while you’re using standard accusations based on your previous assumptions.
Start out light with just a quick dry and “I feel” statements like “I feel like you’ve been spending a lot of time on your phone for the last thirty minutes” then move to a shellac and aggressive threats “I have guys hitting on me daily, if you aren’t going to pay attention to me, I have ten guys waiting out the window ready to F me in a heart beat!”
Now your nails look amazing and you look just psychotic enough to use them! Remember, you just cleaned all the dead skin out of them so try not to immediately collect a whole new pile of compacted cells. Give it an hour or two before you kick out your bf because you’ll be petting your cat angrily on the couch when he leaves and you don’t want to get the feline hair stuck to the clear coat.
You're at the Olympics in Greece, the Cannes Film Festival in France and the Leaning Tower of Pisa in Rome; The best part is....you haven't left your garage! Are these tips for where to go DO mushrooms or where to go ON mushrooms? I don't know let's take a few more mushrooms and find out shall we?
Space station ski trip: Grab a reflective emergency blanket, you know the ones. They look like ponds that go down to middle earth. It's weird cause you think space would be up, but it's really just in the blanket. Make sure if you are doing this in a public place...space station ski trip...you make sure to look inconspicuous and do something very mature...like promote your successful real estate business. As the people are running away make sure to scream at them you are sure you have some "listings" they would be interested in and make your hand look like a phone as you say "call me". These are things that will register with ground control which just happens to be communicating with you through your thoughts. Now grab the ski's and feel free to take off.
Gas station game show: If you are looking for something a little bit weirder, you can plant yourself on the side of a gas station and play "Who's. Your!" where the audience screams "Who's! Your!" Every time you get an answer correct. This game show begs the deepest questions of the Universe like "If God was a female baby and controlling your life with a joystick, what parts of your life would look no different than they do now?" One of the challenges in this game is to refrain from crying hysterically like someone has just exploded. When people walk past make sure to do something mature that tells them you are definitely NOT on mushrooms like talk about gas prices (Example: "Can you believe these gas prices...unbelievable!)
Hiding Goseek: If you want stay local, you and a group of friends can do mushrooms on a nearby trail and play a game you've termed Hiding Goseek. In this game you all huddle together in colorful anguish fretting about who is going to come around the corner. Will it be your boss, your mother, the Red Bull from the Red Bull container with or without wings. If people pass by make sure to act like you are having a business meeting...business as usual. Have very straight posture because serious people have very straight backs. Mention very loudly that your "business" meeting will "adjourn" shortly and you "don't wish to take any more of their time". Say "sir" three or four times to make sure they know you mean "business".
There are lots of hot places to go on mushrooms this year...geysers, hell, floating pancakes right off the skillet. The most important thing to remember is 1) Stay mature and 2) Be safe.
Man, my editors are hounding me to pump out these articles. Just kidding...we do this for free! So as part of your free entertainment today I am going to share some ways to get free stuff and free cash. If you are an experienced free-loader than you prob know some of these tricks. If you are just starting a career in trying not to have a career then let me enlighten you.
This site is amazing. It tracks how much I made vs how much I spent last month and then shows me comparisons with the nation. I earned rewards for taking certain steps and in a month my credit went up and they had deposited $20 bucks in my account. You get $5 just for signing up!
These take awhile to stack up before you hit the $10 mark (when money can be transferred to Paypal), but you are playing mindless games anyway...may as well make a little bit of money. Lucky Day was the one I used...you actually can win up to $1000 without even contributing a dime.
This site pays you take take surveys. It also pays you to buy stuff. Any time you sign up for something Xbox Live, Hulu or any subscription most likely you will find a money back offer through Swagbucks. I literally signed on for Hulu for one month and got $30 deposited through a promotion. I've made $30 in surveys alone which I had transferred to Paypal and $10 in Starbucks.
Here you sign on like a contract worker and proceed to fill out surveys to see what testing you qualify for. Currently, I am part of a test Amazon is running to find bugs in their Firestick software. Once a week I play around with the program and see if there's any delays or duel images or poor resolution...things like that. It pays weekly and I'll have $150 by the end of the five weeks.
SIGNING UP FOR BANK ACCOUNTS
If you need a quick 200-350 dollars you can sign up for a Chase or US Bank account that pays an initiation bonus once $500 has been direct deposited in your account.
I do not work for any of these agencies, I'm only promoting them in your favor. If you're looking for ways to add a few bucks in your down time...here they are.
Lastly, you can build a website with referral links like the ones I have provided and the companies will give you a dollar here, a dollar there for anyone that clicks on them. Thanks guy!
"Today for a craft I am going to share something that kind of happened on accident. You know those pleasant accidents that actually turn out into something half cool. When my son was one years old I was in a rehabilitation treatment center (TMI ALERT...for those of you who like to alienate the vulnerable...oh, oh turned it around on ya!) ten years ago. I didn't have a toy box for him so I grabbed an old box and we kept them there. As the years went on (and I was out of rehab) we put stickers over the ugly exterior. Now ten years later, it's actually kind of a memento to our travels and experiences. There are stickers from frozen pizza boxes we had, stickers from fancy coffee stands and record shops. Stickers from events and dentists offices and festivals. Now I have two kids and they both like to look at it and say "Hey, this one was from the time we went and saw Grandma over Christmas." It's a cool kind of scrap book/box that almost has more meaning then our books of photographs.
So here it is...it only took us ten years!
I imagine in another ten it will be completely covered!
This is very easy, you want a sizable box and tape it completely with clear packaging tape to hold the structure together. Then you begin sticking. Find stickers on walks, at parks and random places. After you are done, just for extra effect go ahead and apply some layers of hodge podge. Another idea: Once kids are grown turn this into your time capsule to burry and dig up in ten or twenty years. Listen to the oohs and aaahs as this baby resurfaces!
Welcome! I might be a little excitable from the surplus of Ketones surging through my body like rush hour on the 405 in downtown LA. It's bumper to bumper and this energy needs to flow so here we go!
Assuming you were here for part 1 of our pill series (if not you can always skip back a few blog post) you already have your homemade pill filler all ready to pop those empty caps into! For the second part you'll need gel caps (totes something you can make from scratch, but not really justifiably on time and cost) and whichever diet supplement, noopept or vitamin blend of choice.
You'll also want a scale.
Soooooooooo...funny story about that scale. When my friend and I did this the first time we used dopamine and we didn't have a scale. DON'T DO THAT. After eyeballing a random amount and adding Garcinia Cambogia he decided to act as guinea pig. As he was ingesting our concoction, I was reading the side effects on the bag of Dopamines. Well, if you take too much it can result in arms beginning to flail and loss of limb function. Whether it was power of suggestion or not measured out right, he started to feel a loss of arm function and couldn't seem to keep one of his arms from flapping about. He's still alive to this day, but that's just my way of saying, uh, proceed with caution.
Weigh amounts for consistency.
Test a little first.
And also the disclaimer: I ain't no doctor.
Vitamin and diet supplements are sold in quantity. As I demonstrated in my previous blog once weighed you can use one of those plastic spoon straws to fill the cap. This is an economic way to diet, it's fun and you can add unique blends customized to your dieting needs.
Some suggestions I have are:
Chromium Picolinate: Said to help with type 2 diabetes and developing lean muscle mass. Also, relatively safe.
Activated Charcoal: Well, you made charcoal with one of our other blogs, now it's time to eat it you brave DIYer. This stuff is detoxifying and said to help with weight loss and fatigue.
Raspberry Ketones: Aids in getting your body into Ketosis where you'll burn through your fat storage.
Lastly, read about the contents of your supplements before you order or combine them.