3 HOT DESTINATIONS FOR YOUR SUMMER MUSHROOM TRIP

You're at the Olympics in Greece, the Cannes Film Festival in France and the Leaning Tower of Pisa in Rome; The best part is....you haven't left your garage! Are these tips for where to go DO mushrooms or where to go ON mushrooms? I don't know let's take a few more mushrooms and find out shall we? 

Space station ski trip: Grab a reflective emergency blanket, you know the ones. They look like ponds that go down to middle earth. It's weird cause you think space would be up, but it's really just in the blanket. Make sure if you are doing this in a public place...space station ski trip...you make sure to look inconspicuous and do something very mature...like promote your successful real estate business. As the people are running away make sure to scream at them you are sure you have some "listings" they would be interested in and make your hand look like a phone as you say "call me". These are things that will register with ground control which just happens to be communicating with you through your thoughts. Now grab the ski's and feel free to take off.

Gas station game show: If you are looking for something a little bit weirder, you can plant yourself on the side of a gas station and play "Who's. Your!" where the audience screams "Who's! Your!" Every time you get an answer correct. This game show begs the deepest questions of the Universe like "If God was a female baby and controlling your life with a joystick, what parts of your life would look no different than they do now?" One of the challenges in this game is to refrain from crying hysterically like someone has just exploded. When people walk past make sure to do something mature that tells them you are definitely NOT on mushrooms like talk about gas prices (Example: "Can you believe these gas prices...unbelievable!)

Hiding Goseek: If you want stay local, you and a group of friends can do mushrooms on a nearby trail and play a game you've termed Hiding Goseek. In this game you all huddle together in colorful anguish fretting about who is going to come around the corner. Will it be your boss, your mother, the Red Bull from the Red Bull container with or without wings. If people pass by make sure to act like you are having a business meeting...business as usual. Have very straight posture because serious people have very straight backs. Mention very loudly that your "business" meeting will "adjourn" shortly and you "don't wish to take any more of their time". Say "sir" three or four times to make sure they know you mean "business".

There are lots of hot places to go on mushrooms this year...geysers, hell, floating pancakes right off the skillet. The most important thing to remember is 1) Stay mature and 2) Be safe.