It may not be easy to say to your family, "Hey let's have a game night!" especially if you are already playing games with each others minds, ifyaknowhati'msayin'. You are the mother that can't get your kids to listen, you are the father that feels like a 24/7 ATM, you're the kid that feels like you are neglected and yet you really don't want attention either.
What are your issues?
So once you've jotted down some ideas, here comes the fun part. Taking a new or used simple game of Jenga, we are going to literally be using these as the building blocks of your relationship. On these tiles you'll write 1) positive things to say about the other people 2) extraction words to get members to speak about their feelings and 3) fun activities as a buffer to some of the more serious dialogue. I use Fortnite as a good example because all the kids these days know the dance moves so if you have to peel your teenagers off of a game you can at least incorporate their obsession in this game. Write on a few of the blocks "Hype", "Orange Justice" or "Default dance" and get them engaging by showing you the moves. Believe me, they seem to be hypnotized to do these on command. Some of your more vocal blocks might include words or phrases like "What bothers you?" or "I don't like it when _____". Then you will also do positivity blocks such as "Name a good quality about _______." In this game it is against the rules to react to what one person says unless you get the "Freak Out" tile and then you can let loose.
You've got a tattoo with your exes name on it. Your ex was a professional POS like literally had a business card that read "Asshole for Hire". It was that same confidence in being an asshole that attracted you to him in the first place...you got problems too. Anyhoo, now Cliff (I know, what a name! Sounds exactly where you feel like disposing of the body) has a place securely on your left boob forever. You could get it lasered and have a nebulous scar or you could get some bigger splatter to make it look like he doesn't matter, but why not use your tit to badvertise what a real piece of shit he was. For just pennies (Well, it sounds good, like you're doing a service for women everywhere) you can add a message, a public service announcement if you will, to broadcast what exactly Cliff is all about. Here are some words and phrases you can add to a tattoo so you know you can insure you have the last say.
(Cliff)"IS STUPID" - Well, isn't he? He left you. You who treated him right. You who paid the pills. You who did sweet things on Holidays. He had a free ride and he fucked it up. What an idiot!
"I GOT FUCKED OVER BY" (Cliff) "AND ALL I GOT WAS THIS LOUSY TIT TATTOO" - Very honest.
(Cliff)"HAS A SMALL PENIS" - This doesn't have to be true, but no one will ever know the truth and it will plant a question in their mind as to whether or not he really does have a micro-thingy.
Lots to work with here and depending on your bra size you could fit a whole sentence! Have fun with Cliff, the kind of fun you wish you'd had with him, but never got the chance. Asshole.
Are you sick of planning all the dates? Do you feel like the only interesting or better yet interest-ed party in your party of two? Maybe it's time to lead your partner towards a little thing called self-drive. The thing is that you are so used to coming up with the ideas that you are now pigeonholed as the planner. Wah-wah. Studies show the best way to get your sig other to change is by manipulating them into thinking said change is their idea (What study you ask? Me studying your ass, this is a parody site I can do W.T. Fuck I want!) In effect the best way to reverse the roles and get them to squeeze out a miniscule, pebble of an idea you have to learn how to fake a boregasm. A boregasm is the opposite of an orgasm, instead of joy you are experiencing pain...they do, however, sound EXACTLY the same.
First you'll want to play a few rounds of "What do you want to do tonight". After six to eight "I don't know, what do you want to do tonight's" you are ready to begin the moanage. Hold your lips agape and with the back of your throat you'll do a chant-like "Aaahhhhhhh". At first he will be alarmed, thinking you have been hurt. In response you will give him a look like "Got any real answers". When he doesn't respond because his resource center is still backed up, you'll let out a long "Uhhhhhgggggggggggggggg" Shake your head once you've pinched off your sigh as to appear completely disappointed in your choice of partner. Then be silent. In this moment of silence they will be assessing what just happened. It will give them time to think back to what triggered such an extreme response. When they come back they will have a lame idea. Now you'll want to flail onto the floor and act like you're having a mini-seizure meanwhile saying "No, no, no, no, no" Now they will feel the pressure to come up with something good AND fast. It doesn't matter what it is going to cost or what they have to do, they are willing just to get you to stop. If you do it right you might even get to go to the Escape Room or some other novelty date that lame partners usually HATE.
When I was working at a restaurant in Salt Lake I was dating a musician that liked to drop off apples for me to smoke out of. We had to be discrete so I could get in a midday puff and it was his way of being sweet and letting me know he was thinking about me. Anyway, here's a few discrete's so you can drop a bowl for your sweetheart or just improvise in a crisis.
This is a great way to look like a legit drug dealer and save money while doing it. I hope you understand what I just said...I'm feeling a little jittery. Anyhoo...to make pills you just need a pill press or a pill filler, but Pill Powers to the rescue you can make your own pill filler at home with some simple tools!
7-11 Spoon Straw (Soon to be the most illegal item on this list)
Your diet pill blend or powdered substance of choice
I don't trust myself with scissors so I use a BIC pen.. Just like the pens you might use to stab someone in the neck and create a breathing tube if something was lodged in the airway and they were unable to breath, this pen is going to be used to stab cardboard (which is good practice).
Take the shoe box lid and start stabbing holes a half inch apart on all sides and don't do this on a street corner or a public meeting area, it can be especially distracting to people in the lobby of a prestigious dental clinic especially when your hands are sweating bad and the pen has no grip. So stab away in the comforts of your own home or empty Walmart bathroom. Once you have about twenty holes they should be the perfect circumference to fit a gelcap.
Now you will insert a gelcap into each individual hole. First, you'll want to take the powdered substance you ordered from overseas of which you wish to fill the gel caps and using the spoon straw take dips and pour it in.
Once your pills are filled and capped they are ready to snack on. Or I mean take responsibly.