We're leaving our meth summer fashion behind as we steer our stolen BMX bikes into colder temperatures. Whereas summer had us in cut off jorts and grocery carts, fall will have us in more garbage bag ponchos and tin foil hats. Strike up your conspiracy theories cause false flags aren't just a government scheme, they're the designs on your blankets and NRA hats you'll be finding at second hand stores everywhere this season.
GARBAGE BAG PONCHOS:
Who needs a real poncho when you can find one that works just as well right in the garbage! I'm sorry, did I say in the garbage? I meant you can make it out of garbage. That's right, you'll be totes incognito as you walk the earth like the living dead in this cape with a hood that is totally recyclable!
TIN FOIL HATS
There's a lot of people that are trying to tap into your frequency, who doesn't understand that? Protect your frequency with this easy hand made DIY concoction. You'll need roughly five feet of foil which you'll fold in half for extra layered effect. Than wrap the folded 2.5 feet around your head overlapping the sides. You'll want to crunch the excess foil on top to keep it together and also to make a handle for easily getting it on and off.
Since there is a surplus of MAGA merch floating around and irony makes for great fashion, you'll want to scoop up a handful at your landfill. Trump has made the divide even greater between the extremely rich and the homeless, making your neighborhood tent station prime real estate. Make America Great Again by showing your support.
Even more than clothing, attitude is what it's really all about this fall. In summer, exercising a relaxed manipulation by accumulating favors and things with the illusion of kindness was the trend. This fall if you aren't saying "What are you looking at?" or "I'm gonna kill you" several times a day than you aren't in the know.
Hopefully, these tips will help you SPEED into fall with aggression, style and American Pride.
You ever think those questions, what if you were to get stranded on a desert island or lost in a jungle..and then panic because you know you wouldn't have any of your beauty products. I know. What if you were forced to go on "Naked and Afraid" because we lived in some totalitarian "Hunger Games" dystopia, how would you accentuate your eyes?! My point is, it's good to know how to do things from scratch in case shit hits the fan. Vinegar is great for cleaning shit off fans, so there's that. But one thing you might now not already is how you are going to have smooth, sexy legs in the wild. Let me tell you, honey.
Honey Hair Wax
2 tbsp brown sugar
1 tbsp honey
1 tbsp water
pieces of cloth
This stuff really, really works so be careful. Nuke these ingredients for 30-35 seconds until it starts to bubble a little. When it cools a bit you'll want to spread in the desired area against the grain. Peel off just like wax and voila you'll have Sasquatch asking you for a spare.